Skills: Scrolling through Instagram
(LISTEN, YOU HAVE YOUR SKILLS AND I HAVE MINE)
The fitness people. In their perky ponytails, cute leggings and crop tops (seriously, how many ‘ambassadors’ does Alo have??), selfies with sweat perfectly placed on their glowy faces (why do these people never sweat in inappropriate places? Underboob sweat, anyone?), often found on top of the Topanga trail, or the Culver city stairs, or at the beach right at sunset. Their captions, long and meaningful. Talking about how nobody's perfect. And just to prove their point, every so often they will post one photo with a limp ponytail, or one lash out of place, or a video of a backbend stumble. See? They are just like you and me. Just your average everyday woman.
The yoga people. You’d think these would be the same category as the one above. But these are the liberated ones. They are fitness+, they have found spirituality. And they have quotes from Bhagavad Gita to prove it. Or from the latest Rupi Kaur book of poetry. Or from Maya Angelou. Also seen wearing Alo outfits.
The mystics. Crystals, tarot spreads, predictions for my Sun sign, Rising sign, and Moon sign according to the latest planetary movements. They have all read Lisa Lister’s Witch, and they often post quotes from it. Also likely to have an etsy store selling rings, pendants, and bracelets made of amethysts, rose quartz, and citrine.
The hustlers. All of them follow Gary Vee. All of them quote Gary Vee on a weekly, if not daily basis. Quotes like “If you live for the weekends and vacations, your shit is broken.” and “Without hustle, your talent will only get you so far”. They are sending 200 DMs a day (no, really). They are asking influencers to work with them, offering their product or service for free, just to get the word out there. They probably have two jobs, or three, or four. That doesn’t stop them from spending a LOT of their time liking, and commenting, and reposting, and doing whatever else it is that Gary is asking them to do this month.
The girl bosses. They are wearing pink, they are drinking champagne, and they are not afraid to embrace their femininity while running business empires. They have all written a book or two, and started multiple successful and unconventional businesses (really though, one of the businesses was period panties, and the other a butt spray DIY bidet contraption). Also, just call them Boss. They don’t need cutesy qualifiers next to their boss status.
…
I scroll, and scroll. I Like a lot, I like some. I bookmark, and comment, and post and repost, and DM and share via DM and Story and reshare a Story and do all the things a good citizen would do. But mostly, I judge. And then I turn around and post novel, inventive, and never seen before groundbreaking content.
I post videos of perfection in the form of dance. Down to their powder pink boots, blush sports bra, and red booty shorts completely co-ordinated with the fuchsia lights in our studio.
I see a quote that Krishna said to Arjuna in the battlefield of Mahabharata, that fits PERFECTLY with #mondayblues. I gotta post THAT.
I learn that the upcoming partial solar eclipse in Capricorn is pivotal for romantic relationships for those with their Pluto in Scorpio in the 8th house, so I make sure my followers know.
I DM all the Influencers, asking if they want to collab. When half of them don't reply, I DM them again. I have a calendar with deadlines for goals I gotta follow!
#womenownedbusiness and #womenentrepreneursforlife
